Shoot out at the Assertiveness Corral

Chugger Chugger
Charity mugger
"Why don't you leave me alone?"
It's every day on every street
I'm really at my wit's end

Monday she was so polite and looked so desperate
I just couldn't say no.
And five minutes turned into 30
And I really had to go
But as Stanley Milgram will tell you
Once you say yes
You just can't say no.
I felt so angry after
I could punch the door!

So Tuesday I was prepared.
Not taking advantage of my good nature
I've had six damn begging phone calls
Since I was collared yesterday.
"No! Eff off you parasite!"
Well that told her good!
But then oh, oh dear
I did feel bad.
She's only doing her job poor thing.

Wednesday came and I had it all worked out
I'm cleverer than you, outwit you like Mr Fox
"I don't got no windows love, I live in a cave"
Aren't I a clever boy!?!
"Sorry can't stop
The cat's late for an exam
And the daughter's due at the vets to be spayed"
Oh dear think I got that last bit wrong
And I do feel guilty for being a sarky git.

Thursdays must be different!
No sarky, no nasty and definitely no door mat.
Calm down dear, it's only a flipping Chugger
The street was like the OK Corral on that fateful day
Doc Holliday Apartments,
The Earp Brothers chugging for NCPCC
But the steadiest hand wins the quick draw

Peeowwww! Ricochet from the right
I drew myself up to my full four foot six
And reached for my piece
"No thank you" with a smile
Said with certain panache I think
Bang! Right next to my ear this time
A near miss, I managed to duck to cover with a quick burst of
"Sorry, not interested"
It was all over in a flash.
It's such a shame they didn't have assertiveness classes back in 1881!

Written by
Al Daffern 

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A. T. Page Aaminah Adam Sedgwick Barnard Al Daffern Alfred A. Cole Alfred Moss Alicia Stawicki Alison R Reed Andrew Clayton Andrew Simon Angela Garratt Annie Colenso Symons Anonymous Anzel Mahmood Arthur Brockhurst Arthur Cyril Harrison Bryan Griffin Carolyn Bayliss Catherine Gorvin Catherine Wilson Christine Beebee Clifton L Pinnock Daisy Daniel J Robertson David Calcutt Dee Howell Dennis Wright Dolores Grant Dom Donna Hill Dorothy Pattison Edward F. Joyce Elaine Taylor Elijah Stanley Elisha Slater Emily Lea Ermine Campbell Francesca Jackson Francis Paul Palmer Frank George Layton Frederic W. Willmore George Cotterell George Evans Gloria Reid Harold M. Barrows Harold Parry Herbert Bennett Hubert Deacon Harrison Ian Henery James A. Aldis Jennifer Beth Blake Jessie Lee Shannon Joan Warner Joanne Kendrick Joanne Shaw John Kilbourn John MacMillan Joseph Dixon Josey Durrant Josiah Turner Karoline Bobrowski Katie Hughes Leandra Gebrakedan M P Houslin Madeline Hindsley Manolita Margaret Lampitt Mark Bassett Martin Hughes Mary Darwall Matilda Cotterell Matthew Wells Maurice Birch Mercedes Michael Cronogue Mr Aitch Natalie Ivanova Neth Brown Oscar Roszczenko Otis Francis Paul Christopher Walton Paulina Kisiecka Peace the Poet Peter Wilkes R. M. Lockley Richard Archer Richard Leigh Richard Worrall Rio Lecointe Rob Edwards. Robert Curtis Robert Wlodarz Sharon Harlow Sir Henry John Newbolt Skiz1 Stuart Williams Supa MC Terence John Mills The Rev. A. Hampden Lee The Rev. Alexander Gordon The Rev. John H. Robison W. H. Robinson Yasmin Fatima Zebideejones

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