Chugger Chugger
Charity mugger
"Why don't you leave me alone?"
It's every day on every street
I'm really at my wit's end
Monday she was so polite and looked so desperate
I just couldn't say no.
And five minutes turned into 30
And I really had to go
But as Stanley Milgram will tell you
Once you say yes
You just can't say no.
I felt so angry after
I could punch the door!
So Tuesday I was prepared.
Not taking advantage of my good nature
I've had six damn begging phone calls
Since I was collared yesterday.
"No! Eff off you parasite!"
Well that told her good!
But then oh, oh dear
I did feel bad.
She's only doing her job poor thing.
Wednesday came and I had it all worked out
I'm cleverer than you, outwit you like Mr Fox
"I don't got no windows love, I live in a cave"
Aren't I a clever boy!?!
"Sorry can't stop
The cat's late for an exam
And the daughter's due at the vets to be spayed"
Oh dear think I got that last bit wrong
And I do feel guilty for being a sarky git.
Thursdays must be different!
No sarky, no nasty and definitely no door mat.
Calm down dear, it's only a flipping Chugger
The street was like the OK Corral on that fateful day
Doc Holliday Apartments,
The Earp Brothers chugging for NCPCC
But the steadiest hand wins the quick draw
Peeowwww! Ricochet from the right
I drew myself up to my full four foot six
And reached for my piece
"No thank you" with a smile
Said with certain panache I think
Bang! Right next to my ear this time
A near miss, I managed to duck to cover with a quick burst of
"Sorry, not interested"
It was all over in a flash.
It's such a shame they didn't have assertiveness classes back in 1881!
Written by
Al Daffern
Charity mugger
"Why don't you leave me alone?"
It's every day on every street
I'm really at my wit's end
Monday she was so polite and looked so desperate
I just couldn't say no.
And five minutes turned into 30
And I really had to go
But as Stanley Milgram will tell you
Once you say yes
You just can't say no.
I felt so angry after
I could punch the door!
So Tuesday I was prepared.
Not taking advantage of my good nature
I've had six damn begging phone calls
Since I was collared yesterday.
"No! Eff off you parasite!"
Well that told her good!
But then oh, oh dear
I did feel bad.
She's only doing her job poor thing.
Wednesday came and I had it all worked out
I'm cleverer than you, outwit you like Mr Fox
"I don't got no windows love, I live in a cave"
Aren't I a clever boy!?!
"Sorry can't stop
The cat's late for an exam
And the daughter's due at the vets to be spayed"
Oh dear think I got that last bit wrong
And I do feel guilty for being a sarky git.
Thursdays must be different!
No sarky, no nasty and definitely no door mat.
Calm down dear, it's only a flipping Chugger
The street was like the OK Corral on that fateful day
Doc Holliday Apartments,
The Earp Brothers chugging for NCPCC
But the steadiest hand wins the quick draw
Peeowwww! Ricochet from the right
I drew myself up to my full four foot six
And reached for my piece
"No thank you" with a smile
Said with certain panache I think
Bang! Right next to my ear this time
A near miss, I managed to duck to cover with a quick burst of
"Sorry, not interested"
It was all over in a flash.
It's such a shame they didn't have assertiveness classes back in 1881!
Written by
Al Daffern
.
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